My Night + Dream

At some point before I remember the dream, I heard a click of the power going off and on I thought like I was about to die.

I remember in the dream that 1st there was a lotta stuff, then I was walking with my dad but not like it was him and I wanted to feel m********ory and have him carry me, so I went on him.  I ended up in some basket and asked him to put me in my bed.  That does not make me happy because it seemed so sappy.

There was something else I thought to remember but seem to forget it.

Oh, and my dad carrying me was pretty clear.  I felt for a bump and knew not were it mine own.

I dunno, I just had a feeling my dad followed me like any other parent and wants to feel on top of me like I'm shit.

Well, no, I didn't feel him holding me.  It was just an excuse to think @ me like m********ing.  Yea, I asked my mom to carry me and him when I was younger.  My mom I could until I was 3 and my dad maybe turned 8 or 7, at the mall.  My mom, after school and before that the beach so I wouldn't get my feet dirty and have to clean them.  I knew I'd grow up.

I'll just kinda say that I am in an experiment and probably why .. thought I woke up in my sleep with a teacher and 2 students and the teacher was holding me.  The experiment happened, and then that was like something I thought about, with other people, too.  I went up north, and it became more real and I often felt like I was being held in bed by people I was able to make up, like a mother.  Did happen with a thin dad but not like a kid.  I did think of siblings a lot, too.  I think I still managed the schoolwork until maybe my back lost muscle and I was in bed 3 days, couldn't do the music history class, came late after the hurricane, why I was there.  I did like it a lot, though.

I feel kinda bad, I never wanted anyone to pick me up nor hold me.  After that, it's something I am inexperienced with in life.  I believe people should be held and picked up.  I hope it happens even if they got too tall to.  I would like to be able to be important, but I feel that is a sacrifice of yourself, like to have people like all of a sudden want me to touch them.  I don't because I guess it'd be how I feel @ my dad.  My mom doesn't touch me but likes when we hug.  I think it is awkward.  I just don't wanna hurt anyone.  I have tried to be adult-like, but this is altogether very different.  I sometimes ween myself from when I was a Music Education major for @ a year.  I do feel very drained and thinner, like someone took a big straw, like in a cartoon of like Sponge Bob and sucked the curly looking goo in the cartoon outta me from the running, guess I was able to do a lot, yesterday.

I dunno, I'm too small to pick up a teen.  I am gonna do more arm workout and am getting taller so can't be Tinkerbell in the Disney parade because I looked too chubby making myself shorter.  They measure me and last time I popped my neck up with my head.  I'm 5'3".  Of course, if I could pick anyone up, then I'd feel like of course more comfortable to be physical with other people I see.

If you wanna get to the point, I'm not sure @ how Tim Burton these days would touch me.  I liked him in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I know, have to go back and see him, liked him lately.  I mean, he was more a public figure then.  Johnny Depp, I dreamed he touched me, supposedly my dad did it.  He rubbed by me, so hot!  Ellen DeGeneres seems on fire @ being more physical with people who are more aloof in their relation to her.  I know she had to hold onto Taylor Swift for a good job, and yes I did like it.  I just feel I wanna like work @ a daycare, learn to touch people.  I dunno what I'd say if there was a favorite way for someone to touch me, and yea I wanna go in hysterics @ the very idea..  I guess I don't feel comfortable being ugly and fat, not sure how I'd look otherwise, and have someone put their hand around me looking at a bunch of people or something..  I am not afraid to touch other people, but I don't much..  I used to think @ holding someone's hand, as 1 thing, but it may be overrated and not something you'd do long with anyone..  What else would you do?  I like the idea of going behind someone and lifting them from the ground.  I like doing martial arts on them, too.  I could still beat my little brother after a year of college but not tennis ever I think..  So, like I guess just a touch works out or like at a certain time a long touch or putting your arm on someone in a different way.. hm hugs?  How would my hug feel, dunno @ that 1 for some reason.  :0  Guess if I was up feeling good.  So..  There's so much I wanna imagine again, like the f***ing.  The inevitably betwixt eyes.  Me as a little kid!  So..  I dunno, I think it was mostly @ the f***ing and the eyes.  And the picking up and holding, which does begin to feel like at a loss and not really feel that great..  In real life, maybe I can make it happen.  I have ideas..  Like, I need to present myself, fix myself, like dress up, that would make me ***y.  Sooner or later, I need to get going.  So..  If you read through the funny.. stories hope you found them amusing if not just wacky and perverted.  The old 1s were better.  I hid them in old blogs.  It doesn't even say Story on all of them.  I can't even find them, didn't save the reference.  My new stories feel like a jellyfish ripped apart.  :(  Okay, so if I met Ellen DeGeneres, I dunno if she'd touch me on her show, I probably wouldn't even be in a role where she usually does.  If she did maybe just put her hand on me or arm around me would be like my favorite.  What about you?  :)  That'd be neat if you could meet her or like if she did something special with fans.  She picks up kids, I know.  I guess if you had a Tinkerbell on your show because they're supposed to be dainty, it would be funny and probably cute!  What if I did that when I was some sort of public figure?  That's what I wanted, to be a public figure.  I never thought of picking up people until now.

Yes, I'd want Tim Burton to touch me, hard though to think what.  I mean, right now, I feel overshadowed and I guess worried about the art or interested in it or something and the acting, such an experience I bet.  I think he's not too sappy happy.  I dunno, maybe he's a guy and it's hard to say.  Yes, I dreamed he lifted me in ballet, students, and I did good but it wasn't too hard, anyway.  I dunno if he lifted other students.  Guess I was like the baby personality, like Baby Spice.  I would like for him to touch others, of course.  :]

O BOY O BOY

It's TIMMY: link

Well, I guess I'll lay off and stick to warding off the noises in my room!  What a pleasant surprise!  Where's the kids?

I will not put up with this.

Tim Burton thinking he has to give in and say he's stupid because other people are NOT Tim.  We have the world, too.  It was nice for others before.

WUT.

I thought I said Tim Burton did something, but I still like him.

Problema

You all just act like shit for my shit peers.  Not talking to anyone personally, in particular, ..  Just the world, maybe because of Tim Burton.  He cares about the shit, I guess.  Not a nice word, but sometimes it's funny, if you don't take it too far.  Sorry..  I mean come on, you're all like always giving some secret handshake like you're some person in a leather jacket from the 1950s.  Don't necessarily just all stop, just sayin'.  What is it @ these .. whatever .. peers?  Why is that their wet d****?  Or what, not that?  Why is it their fantasy?  Why do it on me, I always dreaded this..you know a feeling I have|had.

Uh Oh

Isn't it weird when you see Tim Burton it's cool?  Maybe, he's just different, different from me of course.  :]