Thursday, September 5, 2013
I see what's going on.
If I say something @ what's been said through a click, I get another click! You don't deserve to be in my life.
I swear to God.
Like a normal person I strive, to compliment Ellen DeGeneres, but then people say I'm just looking for attention, and that's not the only nor main reason.
Another Thought
I thought of working out at this hour, now what bed? ! WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH THE GODDAMN CLICKS
Just Woke Up
Had to take out my contacts, which had .. my eyes, lots of goo.
Had a weird dream again.
I miss the old days online when I was more sane and had more to write from past real life experiences.
I'm going to bed in my bed, now, I think.
Had a weird dream again.
I miss the old days online when I was more sane and had more to write from past real life experiences.
I'm going to bed in my bed, now, I think.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
It would be neat..
..if you care to make a list of what you think is right and wrong, if you haven't. A lot of people will find some things the opposite.
I do wanna help.
I think I always try. I mean, that's not what I do all the time. I have to do my life, as well, and also the people aren't always there to help. I need things, too.
Una Pregunta
What's so special @ having ancestors from the South? How can you expect something like that?
Dream
I remember being in a toupt group. I was in some youngest group, turned out to be young but not in style. There was something @ a big ball.
Someone watching me in my room aroused me, threatened me thinking of my brother.. This is shit, leave me alone! WTF is your problem!
I got up awhile ago. The threat was they made a loud sound at my computer..
Someone watching me in my room aroused me, threatened me thinking of my brother.. This is shit, leave me alone! WTF is your problem!
I got up awhile ago. The threat was they made a loud sound at my computer..
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
I have control
over my life. I vent, I take care of myself. Just thinking, like maybe I'm on Twitter.
O my God, though! WTF was that! I know you don't wanna be the 1 to hear me play.
O my God, though! WTF was that! I know you don't wanna be the 1 to hear me play.
So..
I guess some people I like make a problem with what I do. They attack me. They think I'm shit. I was kinda mad at the piano, no one to comfort me, no one to shit with.. So, I got off and just went to ask my dad about room on the computer, and then I knew he was plotting to me about getting his instead of getting mine fixed. What if I had a sign I had to read every day about this? I couldn't get the idea of my old music teachers off. While I was playing. I didn't really make a scene, but some words somehow formulated and I had to try to forget it and not have it materialize. It was like they have something in my brain or because I know I'm being watched. It just happens.. Something happened.. Then, I was just kinda upfront with my dad about being teased about music and "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and thinking of an old friend I had hoped became a big fan of Ellen DeGeneres.. Thing is, I just think like I know my other friend would like her too but for other reasons. I dunno what reason you're supposed to have, but maybe they wish they did gymnastics or something and looked more like me, I thinks.
Wondering
It seems that people somehow had to do some situation or hopefully not.. I did wonder why my friend didn't watch Ellen DeGeneres, probably has a life. She might watch TV still. What does that have to do with me? I already wanted to talk to her. She won't. I have no friends who'll talk to me. They like stare at me, I feel. What, what does that have to do with me, the way you few liked Pirates of the Caribbean and Johnny Depp.
Nasty
So, people want my old friend to take my place with Ellen DeGeneres.. why? No, I'm me. I watch the show, I'm more like her than her. She's overly developed in an unnecessary way. I got really mad.. I was playing piano and I thought my old music teachers were in my life though they did not respond to me, just accepted my friend request on Facebook and the older 1 sent me a Linked In invite.
Now, my dad is giving me his old computer and was talking like his oldest sister. I ran outta room, and he's not reading how to back up stuff, can't save it to a disk. I'm running outta room like when I record. He's like he didn't get my e-mail I sent. I did whatever he said. I have no clue where the manual is, now.
What was the thing with this shitty message? I don't give a fuck @ a person who doesn't answer and never will because of something I did. What the fuck is this. :[ I'm tired of getting shit from people..
I feel people are clinging to me. I don't cling to anyone. That must be something someone else did. I need to learn from others. What, did you just get read by your genes from your parents!
Now, my dad is giving me his old computer and was talking like his oldest sister. I ran outta room, and he's not reading how to back up stuff, can't save it to a disk. I'm running outta room like when I record. He's like he didn't get my e-mail I sent. I did whatever he said. I have no clue where the manual is, now.
What was the thing with this shitty message? I don't give a fuck @ a person who doesn't answer and never will because of something I did. What the fuck is this. :[ I'm tired of getting shit from people..
I feel people are clinging to me. I don't cling to anyone. That must be something someone else did. I need to learn from others. What, did you just get read by your genes from your parents!
Outfit I'd Like
$20 http://www.sears.com/us-polo-assn-junior-s-kate-skinny-jeans/p-002VA57266012P?prdNo=5
$15 http://www.sears.com/bongo-junior-s-t-shirt-necklace-striped/p-002VA57829012P?prdNo=7
$13 http://www.sears.com/bongo-junior-s-cardigan-sweater-striped/p-002VA56504812P?prdNo=15
$35 http://www.sears.com/rebel-by-zigi-women-s-short-boot-alex-black/p-054VA55835412P?selectedFilters=Style|Fashion%20boots\&prdNo=5
$83
$15 http://www.sears.com/bongo-junior-s-t-shirt-necklace-striped/p-002VA57829012P?prdNo=7
$13 http://www.sears.com/bongo-junior-s-cardigan-sweater-striped/p-002VA56504812P?prdNo=15
$35 http://www.sears.com/rebel-by-zigi-women-s-short-boot-alex-black/p-054VA55835412P?selectedFilters=Style|Fashion%20boots\&prdNo=5
$83
Una Pregunta
Has Nell Burton descended upon me - or was it the way I put her name for others to see - to be my competition and pretend rival?
What do you think??
What do you think of how Ellen thinks like for instance me I'm mentally ill and "actually" decides to do something she wouldn't do, like she just changed. Because I think she is only 1/2 New Orleanian, by family|blood. Like, you'd think she wouldn't think of like being disappointed, in a way, with how she is.
So, the problem is..
..I was like howcome you look like you just got losened up, you know, though? She doesn't really want me to talk @ her.
Something Important
My mom is sensitive because she is Chinese. There are some things she doesn't seem to have done to be an American.
What happened was I was at a meeting, and I had just hurt a girl a little by how I was acting, to see what would happen when she wasn't looking then looked, through a window from downstairs. It might have been set up. I went to the meeting. We had been talking @ something else, like an issue or "problem." That's what made her seem involved, and people were testing her lazily just to jest with me-
What happened was I was at a meeting, and I had just hurt a girl a little by how I was acting, to see what would happen when she wasn't looking then looked, through a window from downstairs. It might have been set up. I went to the meeting. We had been talking @ something else, like an issue or "problem." That's what made her seem involved, and people were testing her lazily just to jest with me-
Poofs Up Hair .. "dim all the lights"
Does anyone else have to m*********? I'm so glad when it's over. I wonder if I lived alone I'd do it more or less. After I was done, I felt like I'd just been in the action. My opinion, I do not like it. I mean, I'd say yea it feels good but seems a bit bad with the thoughts that do it. I was hoping that it would stop. I mean, maybe like I am wondering if my friends do it. Working @ a daycare, I don't wanna make a kid do it, too. I imagined this stuff but don't want it to happen. I do wonder if anyone else does. I can do it myself. :) That's what I'm doing now.
Tired But Wondering
People are interested in me. I dunno, got online. My life has interesting stuff happen to it. It's hard to recollect, but it must have stuck with me.
I was also wondering @ my forum. I can get people from IMDb to post there. I wanted to make it comfortable for like relatives and people with the same interests.
Another thing I am trying to do now is occupy myself more. I might work @ a daycare part time, trying to audition for things. I would like college and am wondering what's good. I am wanting a TV show.
So..
Like to have fun, gonna get a Florida Disney pass in October when it cools down. No one to go with. That's fine, but I can talk online @ it. I really wanna record stuff and put it on YouTube. That was a big reason I wanted to go so much, but it's fun without the record, as well, gonna go alone I think.
I see cute girls @ Orlando and wonder if they look up to me. Guess they do.
I have to call my Gramma. I'm a bit apprehensive, tired at the moment.
I'm definitely very into "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and hope to click with other fans. Would be fun to go over to L.A. I'm trying to get in Finding Dory, actually, lots of people might be, though I don't see them all online. I actually planned and was writing in my journal @ Red Carpet. =)
So..
I thought I cleaned lots of my room, but it looks kinda torn apart. My life is pretty much with that as part of my background.
I dunno @ the people watching me, but it does raise awkwardness. I mean, I think people are watching me, but they don't make me feel good, anymore. That was years ago. I thought the world wasn't real. I mean, I get real happy when I'm not "the 1." So.. I mean, I fend for myself.
Well..
Trying to improve stuff, have good relationships, the ones I have at least, things like that, make people not feel like they need to do certain things for me, though @ the people in Orlando I think they're always seeping into others. People do as they will. Just gotta help myself.
...
I was also wondering @ my forum. I can get people from IMDb to post there. I wanted to make it comfortable for like relatives and people with the same interests.
Another thing I am trying to do now is occupy myself more. I might work @ a daycare part time, trying to audition for things. I would like college and am wondering what's good. I am wanting a TV show.
So..
Like to have fun, gonna get a Florida Disney pass in October when it cools down. No one to go with. That's fine, but I can talk online @ it. I really wanna record stuff and put it on YouTube. That was a big reason I wanted to go so much, but it's fun without the record, as well, gonna go alone I think.
I see cute girls @ Orlando and wonder if they look up to me. Guess they do.
I have to call my Gramma. I'm a bit apprehensive, tired at the moment.
I'm definitely very into "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and hope to click with other fans. Would be fun to go over to L.A. I'm trying to get in Finding Dory, actually, lots of people might be, though I don't see them all online. I actually planned and was writing in my journal @ Red Carpet. =)
So..
I thought I cleaned lots of my room, but it looks kinda torn apart. My life is pretty much with that as part of my background.
I dunno @ the people watching me, but it does raise awkwardness. I mean, I think people are watching me, but they don't make me feel good, anymore. That was years ago. I thought the world wasn't real. I mean, I get real happy when I'm not "the 1." So.. I mean, I fend for myself.
Well..
Trying to improve stuff, have good relationships, the ones I have at least, things like that, make people not feel like they need to do certain things for me, though @ the people in Orlando I think they're always seeping into others. People do as they will. Just gotta help myself.
...
Ex er cise
Chest & Abs - 6 minutes
My neck sure got a workout. I'm losing the length of my double chin.
My neck sure got a workout. I'm losing the length of my double chin.
Thinking @ Florida
Central Florida's good fun, but it's been the roughest. I used to touch my mom in SE FL, though.
Something Funny
You think maybe attractive people are bad, but you'll notice I'm not agreeable for some reason when you say I'm not attractive enough then..
Problema
I'm trying to sleep and all I'm getting is shuffling the music to represent my dad whom I do not touch. I touch other people. All anyone will give a fuck @ tomorrow is me thinking of slicing a k**** in my wall and it turning into you know.. I just heard a noise. What prestige do you hold in caring @ what I think?
Appropriate or Not
I think my oldest aunt started it, but like she seems to signal when something is appropriate, like me dancing to an Italian song if I watch Ellen DeGeneres, for example. What's wrong with Italian? She has an Italian partner.
Inconvenience
Before I took the classes from Ginny, I felt my ankles forming more like roots. I even saw something like that in the movie Saturday. I almost broke it seeing Mary Poppins as a musical. It was a theater class. She was acting stuck up and snobby thinking she was Ellen DeGeneres. I'm not sure I had to experience that. She did stop the class activities of sliding across the floor and it became uninteresting, I was kicked out and put back on psychiatric medicine by my mom.
Well
Why did Ellen DeGeneres seem offended like she knew like what kind of dress people liked already?
Also, did you figure out why she likes dresses for fancy things made of cloth?
Also, did you figure out why she likes dresses for fancy things made of cloth?
Hm..
I wish Audrey Hepburn were alive. :| What about Orla Karron Fallon, who's younger? She's younger, an I rish ha .. harpist n singer.. very attractive, just had a son named Freddie. Karron is French.
So..
Say, Ellen DeGeneres didn't like me, in a way, but I was still interesting to her. Who do you think she would like?
This is ridiculous.
I feel my posts aren't agreeable, like my last 1. I don't need to balance it with a random thing, "what the fu -ck?" I mean I really liked it in time to when people don't. It's not some act.
So
I used to fall asleep right away, too tired for a story.
I thought lots of weird things.
I'm listening to Anne Hathaway. Someone on Twitter mentioned her. My hand, I felt was frozen to not change like I have it change, my right hand. That's perfectly ridiculous, it's my life. Maybe she is just a problem, meaning she has too many. Most people don't want dark hair and pale skin.
I got another sarcastic idea from an Ellen DeGeneres con-artist. Shouldn't say it, but I thought I actually heard it. Why?
What's this I'm not from Florida idea? Plus, NYC is incredibly stuck up. I'm not rooted in the north. That's just telling me I'm a lunatic, and idiot. I'm sitting here thinking with my glasses, sorry @ my life. Anne Hathaway doesn't sing that powerfully. She's not a singer. She seems to be getting it out. I wonder how she knows of this musical so much. She thinks she's a singer like me, but she's not.
I thought lots of weird things.
I'm listening to Anne Hathaway. Someone on Twitter mentioned her. My hand, I felt was frozen to not change like I have it change, my right hand. That's perfectly ridiculous, it's my life. Maybe she is just a problem, meaning she has too many. Most people don't want dark hair and pale skin.
I got another sarcastic idea from an Ellen DeGeneres con-artist. Shouldn't say it, but I thought I actually heard it. Why?
What's this I'm not from Florida idea? Plus, NYC is incredibly stuck up. I'm not rooted in the north. That's just telling me I'm a lunatic, and idiot. I'm sitting here thinking with my glasses, sorry @ my life. Anne Hathaway doesn't sing that powerfully. She's not a singer. She seems to be getting it out. I wonder how she knows of this musical so much. She thinks she's a singer like me, but she's not.
More
Why am I still getting negative messages from my dad?
Also, I got the idea Ellen with others would be able to just like in what you'd call a show off way but not being like mean @ that term though it seems like it in this crowd .. that I was walking around with confidence tonight, like I was someone. Maybe not, that sounds stupid, too. Why are people onto me for shit like that? LOL?
I'm concerned @ the self-centeredness of my dad's like attacking me like he used to seem to threaten, like he'd follow me and make sure to make me feel bad. If I told my therapist, then what? You know? Like, I know my mom did that. Like, do little things to annoy me. I don't want them that close to me. I don't mean necessarily never, but this is sappy and sucks. It's not how I am. I'm not a pig on the floor.
Also, I got the idea Ellen with others would be able to just like in what you'd call a show off way but not being like mean @ that term though it seems like it in this crowd .. that I was walking around with confidence tonight, like I was someone. Maybe not, that sounds stupid, too. Why are people onto me for shit like that? LOL?
I'm concerned @ the self-centeredness of my dad's like attacking me like he used to seem to threaten, like he'd follow me and make sure to make me feel bad. If I told my therapist, then what? You know? Like, I know my mom did that. Like, do little things to annoy me. I don't want them that close to me. I don't mean necessarily never, but this is sappy and sucks. It's not how I am. I'm not a pig on the floor.
What to Do
I'm listening to my 3 Hayley Westenra songs, and people I probably wouldn't talk to are watching me in my room. My computer didn't shut off after an hour, and I didn't wanna get up. She actually just released a lullaby CD. I ran outta money, might have to listen to Charlotte Church? Don't really wanna do that in my sleep, nothing wrong but that she's so mainstream. No more money..
I'm very annoyed at being followed weirdly by everyone, my dad, my mom, who I don't know if she knows she's dong it. Isn't this because of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp? So what, I didn't blare out someone was the N word. They acted like it was part of the experiment, and I mean it's just a word that defines something, the only racial word used casually, don't really use it on my own. :|
You can't sit here and tell me I can't do something when you're also the 1 who caused it.
Now, they're bargaining, too. I don't wanna think @ that stuff.
I'm very annoyed at being followed weirdly by everyone, my dad, my mom, who I don't know if she knows she's dong it. Isn't this because of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp? So what, I didn't blare out someone was the N word. They acted like it was part of the experiment, and I mean it's just a word that defines something, the only racial word used casually, don't really use it on my own. :|
You can't sit here and tell me I can't do something when you're also the 1 who caused it.
Now, they're bargaining, too. I don't wanna think @ that stuff.
I so admire..
..Ellen DeGeneres for making things seem okay in the world and inspiring me to get a leather coat if I have a TV show
Monday, September 2, 2013
Reflection?
I guess I've been kinda good. I still have things from my past I've already accounted for. I shouldn't like sit here and hit myself in the head.. I dunno? I mean, no, I don't know who causes these things in the world. I mean, I know cursing is considered bad, but some people find it funny, unless you e-mail someone and say they're some bad word or something like that, some suggestion to them, which can be hard to know what it is. It's nice when someone somehow lets you know the barriers so you know what to do beforehand. Then, you might find people who don't remember or don't take it seriously. People really like to be martyrs and make as scene just to make themselves heard about anything at all.
Getting Back
Whew! So, am I still in trouble?!. What happened? Why am I supposed to accept being hit so much? Most people don't find that funny to tell them. Perhaps, whoever did it wanted my brain to be damaged.
You know, this problem started with the N word thing.
You know, this problem started with the N word thing.
Wonder
if I'm bein' good. I figured to let the dream be. I was supposed to expect some long punishment, but maybe I'm just not gonna get out. I find things to make me happy but not really what I want. I dunno. I wouldn't get that mad at another person who didn't mean anything, so I dunno..I mean I do get upset when people do mean something I don't like @ me, like getting close like they're stronger, which in some ways is nice but others not. :/ Depends.
Wonder
if I'm bein' good. I figured to let the dream be. I was supposed to expect some long punishment, but maybe I'm just not gonna get out. I find things to make me happy but not really what I want. I dunno. I wouldn't get that mad at another person who didn't mean anything, so I dunno..I mean I do get upset when people do mean something I don't like @ me, like getting close like they're stronger, which in some ways is nice but others not. :/ Depends.
Also
I don't even know where I am discipline-wise, like if I got mad. Hm, maybe I'll just go out and have my dessert breakfast, Oreos, alas. 8I
Nice, how I don't curse @ any form of a crowd of people anymore.. nor at anyone I can take advantege of.. What else is there! *D; Oh, boo hoo!
Nice, how I don't curse @ any form of a crowd of people anymore.. nor at anyone I can take advantege of.. What else is there! *D; Oh, boo hoo!
Another Story would Be Nice
I just had a hard time, like I were a polititian wiping my eyes at the booth or rather in a seat or at a desk.
My Night + Dream
At some point before I remember the dream, I heard a click of the power going off and on I thought like I was about to die.
I remember in the dream that 1st there was a lotta stuff, then I was walking with my dad but not like it was him and I wanted to feel m********ory and have him carry me, so I went on him. I ended up in some basket and asked him to put me in my bed. That does not make me happy because it seemed so sappy.
There was something else I thought to remember but seem to forget it.
Oh, and my dad carrying me was pretty clear. I felt for a bump and knew not were it mine own.
I dunno, I just had a feeling my dad followed me like any other parent and wants to feel on top of me like I'm shit.
Well, no, I didn't feel him holding me. It was just an excuse to think @ me like m********ing. Yea, I asked my mom to carry me and him when I was younger. My mom I could until I was 3 and my dad maybe turned 8 or 7, at the mall. My mom, after school and before that the beach so I wouldn't get my feet dirty and have to clean them. I knew I'd grow up.
I'll just kinda say that I am in an experiment and probably why .. thought I woke up in my sleep with a teacher and 2 students and the teacher was holding me. The experiment happened, and then that was like something I thought about, with other people, too. I went up north, and it became more real and I often felt like I was being held in bed by people I was able to make up, like a mother. Did happen with a thin dad but not like a kid. I did think of siblings a lot, too. I think I still managed the schoolwork until maybe my back lost muscle and I was in bed 3 days, couldn't do the music history class, came late after the hurricane, why I was there. I did like it a lot, though.
I feel kinda bad, I never wanted anyone to pick me up nor hold me. After that, it's something I am inexperienced with in life. I believe people should be held and picked up. I hope it happens even if they got too tall to. I would like to be able to be important, but I feel that is a sacrifice of yourself, like to have people like all of a sudden want me to touch them. I don't because I guess it'd be how I feel @ my dad. My mom doesn't touch me but likes when we hug. I think it is awkward. I just don't wanna hurt anyone. I have tried to be adult-like, but this is altogether very different. I sometimes ween myself from when I was a Music Education major for @ a year. I do feel very drained and thinner, like someone took a big straw, like in a cartoon of like Sponge Bob and sucked the curly looking goo in the cartoon outta me from the running, guess I was able to do a lot, yesterday.
I dunno, I'm too small to pick up a teen. I am gonna do more arm workout and am getting taller so can't be Tinkerbell in the Disney parade because I looked too chubby making myself shorter. They measure me and last time I popped my neck up with my head. I'm 5'3". Of course, if I could pick anyone up, then I'd feel like of course more comfortable to be physical with other people I see.
If you wanna get to the point, I'm not sure @ how Tim Burton these days would touch me. I liked him in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I know, have to go back and see him, liked him lately. I mean, he was more a public figure then. Johnny Depp, I dreamed he touched me, supposedly my dad did it. He rubbed by me, so hot! Ellen DeGeneres seems on fire @ being more physical with people who are more aloof in their relation to her. I know she had to hold onto Taylor Swift for a good job, and yes I did like it. I just feel I wanna like work @ a daycare, learn to touch people. I dunno what I'd say if there was a favorite way for someone to touch me, and yea I wanna go in hysterics @ the very idea.. I guess I don't feel comfortable being ugly and fat, not sure how I'd look otherwise, and have someone put their hand around me looking at a bunch of people or something.. I am not afraid to touch other people, but I don't much.. I used to think @ holding someone's hand, as 1 thing, but it may be overrated and not something you'd do long with anyone.. What else would you do? I like the idea of going behind someone and lifting them from the ground. I like doing martial arts on them, too. I could still beat my little brother after a year of college but not tennis ever I think.. So, like I guess just a touch works out or like at a certain time a long touch or putting your arm on someone in a different way.. hm hugs? How would my hug feel, dunno @ that 1 for some reason. :0 Guess if I was up feeling good. So.. There's so much I wanna imagine again, like the f***ing. The inevitably betwixt eyes. Me as a little kid! So.. I dunno, I think it was mostly @ the f***ing and the eyes. And the picking up and holding, which does begin to feel like at a loss and not really feel that great.. In real life, maybe I can make it happen. I have ideas.. Like, I need to present myself, fix myself, like dress up, that would make me ***y. Sooner or later, I need to get going. So.. If you read through the funny.. stories hope you found them amusing if not just wacky and perverted. The old 1s were better. I hid them in old blogs. It doesn't even say Story on all of them. I can't even find them, didn't save the reference. My new stories feel like a jellyfish ripped apart. :( Okay, so if I met Ellen DeGeneres, I dunno if she'd touch me on her show, I probably wouldn't even be in a role where she usually does. If she did maybe just put her hand on me or arm around me would be like my favorite. What about you? :) That'd be neat if you could meet her or like if she did something special with fans. She picks up kids, I know. I guess if you had a Tinkerbell on your show because they're supposed to be dainty, it would be funny and probably cute! What if I did that when I was some sort of public figure? That's what I wanted, to be a public figure. I never thought of picking up people until now.
Yes, I'd want Tim Burton to touch me, hard though to think what. I mean, right now, I feel overshadowed and I guess worried about the art or interested in it or something and the acting, such an experience I bet. I think he's not too sappy happy. I dunno, maybe he's a guy and it's hard to say. Yes, I dreamed he lifted me in ballet, students, and I did good but it wasn't too hard, anyway. I dunno if he lifted other students. Guess I was like the baby personality, like Baby Spice. I would like for him to touch others, of course. :]
I remember in the dream that 1st there was a lotta stuff, then I was walking with my dad but not like it was him and I wanted to feel m********ory and have him carry me, so I went on him. I ended up in some basket and asked him to put me in my bed. That does not make me happy because it seemed so sappy.
There was something else I thought to remember but seem to forget it.
Oh, and my dad carrying me was pretty clear. I felt for a bump and knew not were it mine own.
I dunno, I just had a feeling my dad followed me like any other parent and wants to feel on top of me like I'm shit.
Well, no, I didn't feel him holding me. It was just an excuse to think @ me like m********ing. Yea, I asked my mom to carry me and him when I was younger. My mom I could until I was 3 and my dad maybe turned 8 or 7, at the mall. My mom, after school and before that the beach so I wouldn't get my feet dirty and have to clean them. I knew I'd grow up.
I'll just kinda say that I am in an experiment and probably why .. thought I woke up in my sleep with a teacher and 2 students and the teacher was holding me. The experiment happened, and then that was like something I thought about, with other people, too. I went up north, and it became more real and I often felt like I was being held in bed by people I was able to make up, like a mother. Did happen with a thin dad but not like a kid. I did think of siblings a lot, too. I think I still managed the schoolwork until maybe my back lost muscle and I was in bed 3 days, couldn't do the music history class, came late after the hurricane, why I was there. I did like it a lot, though.
I feel kinda bad, I never wanted anyone to pick me up nor hold me. After that, it's something I am inexperienced with in life. I believe people should be held and picked up. I hope it happens even if they got too tall to. I would like to be able to be important, but I feel that is a sacrifice of yourself, like to have people like all of a sudden want me to touch them. I don't because I guess it'd be how I feel @ my dad. My mom doesn't touch me but likes when we hug. I think it is awkward. I just don't wanna hurt anyone. I have tried to be adult-like, but this is altogether very different. I sometimes ween myself from when I was a Music Education major for @ a year. I do feel very drained and thinner, like someone took a big straw, like in a cartoon of like Sponge Bob and sucked the curly looking goo in the cartoon outta me from the running, guess I was able to do a lot, yesterday.
I dunno, I'm too small to pick up a teen. I am gonna do more arm workout and am getting taller so can't be Tinkerbell in the Disney parade because I looked too chubby making myself shorter. They measure me and last time I popped my neck up with my head. I'm 5'3". Of course, if I could pick anyone up, then I'd feel like of course more comfortable to be physical with other people I see.
If you wanna get to the point, I'm not sure @ how Tim Burton these days would touch me. I liked him in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I know, have to go back and see him, liked him lately. I mean, he was more a public figure then. Johnny Depp, I dreamed he touched me, supposedly my dad did it. He rubbed by me, so hot! Ellen DeGeneres seems on fire @ being more physical with people who are more aloof in their relation to her. I know she had to hold onto Taylor Swift for a good job, and yes I did like it. I just feel I wanna like work @ a daycare, learn to touch people. I dunno what I'd say if there was a favorite way for someone to touch me, and yea I wanna go in hysterics @ the very idea.. I guess I don't feel comfortable being ugly and fat, not sure how I'd look otherwise, and have someone put their hand around me looking at a bunch of people or something.. I am not afraid to touch other people, but I don't much.. I used to think @ holding someone's hand, as 1 thing, but it may be overrated and not something you'd do long with anyone.. What else would you do? I like the idea of going behind someone and lifting them from the ground. I like doing martial arts on them, too. I could still beat my little brother after a year of college but not tennis ever I think.. So, like I guess just a touch works out or like at a certain time a long touch or putting your arm on someone in a different way.. hm hugs? How would my hug feel, dunno @ that 1 for some reason. :0 Guess if I was up feeling good. So.. There's so much I wanna imagine again, like the f***ing. The inevitably betwixt eyes. Me as a little kid! So.. I dunno, I think it was mostly @ the f***ing and the eyes. And the picking up and holding, which does begin to feel like at a loss and not really feel that great.. In real life, maybe I can make it happen. I have ideas.. Like, I need to present myself, fix myself, like dress up, that would make me ***y. Sooner or later, I need to get going. So.. If you read through the funny.. stories hope you found them amusing if not just wacky and perverted. The old 1s were better. I hid them in old blogs. It doesn't even say Story on all of them. I can't even find them, didn't save the reference. My new stories feel like a jellyfish ripped apart. :( Okay, so if I met Ellen DeGeneres, I dunno if she'd touch me on her show, I probably wouldn't even be in a role where she usually does. If she did maybe just put her hand on me or arm around me would be like my favorite. What about you? :) That'd be neat if you could meet her or like if she did something special with fans. She picks up kids, I know. I guess if you had a Tinkerbell on your show because they're supposed to be dainty, it would be funny and probably cute! What if I did that when I was some sort of public figure? That's what I wanted, to be a public figure. I never thought of picking up people until now.
Yes, I'd want Tim Burton to touch me, hard though to think what. I mean, right now, I feel overshadowed and I guess worried about the art or interested in it or something and the acting, such an experience I bet. I think he's not too sappy happy. I dunno, maybe he's a guy and it's hard to say. Yes, I dreamed he lifted me in ballet, students, and I did good but it wasn't too hard, anyway. I dunno if he lifted other students. Guess I was like the baby personality, like Baby Spice. I would like for him to touch others, of course. :]
Another Short 1..
Mamma was visiting Grandmamma, who had her hand around her, still strong and young. I went up to them and said, "Here's some berries." I was thanked and sent away, mamma pat the side of my leg swiftly and so off I went.
I went to play with Curty and her 2 friends over, who were 4 and 5. I had to come and help with the gardening and then the vegetables and milking. By the time I was done I was so tired and Mamma carried me inside. I went over with Susan and Mikhail, and we ate sugar shapes. Mikhail was telling Susan of how nice school was, for she had not been in years. She was to go back. School would not start until another week.
So, the next day, we went to a fair. There was a witch at a table which scared me, so I wandered off. Little Curty had to stay with Susan or Mamma and Pappa or Grandmamma who lived in town now. Grandpappa was off doing business.
I saw the ferriswheel, and it made me dizzy. So, I almost passed out but moved along. It would be my birthday soon enough, and I'd be then 9 years old.
I played some games and won some prizes. I couldn't wait until we went back to the woods of Minnesota because I'd have a room all to myself.
My favorite prize was a yellow teddy bear.
Then, it was time to start packing. We sold our home and had 8 horses lug our belongings and ourselves.
We got there. We even had a pool built in. I tugged my bonnet and kicked the gorund with my foot. We all unpacked, and I put Curty in her room, which was not really as big as mine but almost. She had a little desk with some books to learn to read sentences. She had just turned 4.
I did a lot of work, some doing crops, doing the animals, cleaning and mending. I stopped with an hour and a half left in which I played on my harp. We were deep in the woods and would have to make due. Lotta people had moved. It was so much fun taking care of Curty while Mamma was busy, too. She had a job of some sort, on top of what we do at home.
I brushed Curty's hair and pushed her on the swing, her curly gold head bobbing and blue eyes sparkling. She was ready for school and would have to pick at least 1 activity to keep up. My activity was harp and singing. Hers would probably be singing and dancing. I was also happy for the others going to school. Jammes also was adamant and Jamilee. I went outside again to run and play with them. It was time to go in Pappa said and we all sat around the table and we ate heartily.
I went to play with Curty and her 2 friends over, who were 4 and 5. I had to come and help with the gardening and then the vegetables and milking. By the time I was done I was so tired and Mamma carried me inside. I went over with Susan and Mikhail, and we ate sugar shapes. Mikhail was telling Susan of how nice school was, for she had not been in years. She was to go back. School would not start until another week.
So, the next day, we went to a fair. There was a witch at a table which scared me, so I wandered off. Little Curty had to stay with Susan or Mamma and Pappa or Grandmamma who lived in town now. Grandpappa was off doing business.
I saw the ferriswheel, and it made me dizzy. So, I almost passed out but moved along. It would be my birthday soon enough, and I'd be then 9 years old.
I played some games and won some prizes. I couldn't wait until we went back to the woods of Minnesota because I'd have a room all to myself.
My favorite prize was a yellow teddy bear.
Then, it was time to start packing. We sold our home and had 8 horses lug our belongings and ourselves.
We got there. We even had a pool built in. I tugged my bonnet and kicked the gorund with my foot. We all unpacked, and I put Curty in her room, which was not really as big as mine but almost. She had a little desk with some books to learn to read sentences. She had just turned 4.
I did a lot of work, some doing crops, doing the animals, cleaning and mending. I stopped with an hour and a half left in which I played on my harp. We were deep in the woods and would have to make due. Lotta people had moved. It was so much fun taking care of Curty while Mamma was busy, too. She had a job of some sort, on top of what we do at home.
I brushed Curty's hair and pushed her on the swing, her curly gold head bobbing and blue eyes sparkling. She was ready for school and would have to pick at least 1 activity to keep up. My activity was harp and singing. Hers would probably be singing and dancing. I was also happy for the others going to school. Jammes also was adamant and Jamilee. I went outside again to run and play with them. It was time to go in Pappa said and we all sat around the table and we ate heartily.
Coincidences
There was a movie out with a bear, and the girl grabs the older I think boy by the stomach in a movie I saw today.
Short Story Before Bed
So, Mmamma had to tuck in Curty to bed for she had not seen her in 2 months, stuck in a "Pre-K," harvesting and eating spiced veggies and other secrets. She was only 4 years old with golden curls. I am Mauricia, and I had been with Mamma for a long time, watching the men build new shops in town. I have an older brother named Mikhail. Oh, I am 8, and he is 16. I have an older sister|aunt Susan who is 15. I actually have a 7-year old sister with light brown hair and a 7-year old brother with medium brown hair. Mikhail had dark gold hair, and Susan had light brown|dark blonde hair. My hair is black. Mamma has red hair and freckles on her cheek..like Curty. So, Mmamma rubbed the back of Curty and eventually she fell asleep happy to be in town. I was closing up, while everyone was in bed but Mamma. I said, "How long until we go back to Minnesota?" He, he, he. *blushes* She said, "I plan to ask the other adults when we are to commence, perhaps in a few days we will start rounding up." I slipped upstairs, kissed Mamma goodnight, and stared up through the window on top of the cabin. Suddenly, the hairs on my back prickled, though I saw a bear or monster on the roof. It could not get in, though, for the window was made of strong glass. I knew Pappa was in bed now. I slipped outta my bed, not really thinking and went outside. I started to climb the roof.. I saw the bear and screamed. I saw Pappa and Mamma run out the cabin as the bear chased me. Mamma grabbed me by the stomach and cooled me down. I was only 8, after all. Susan was beside me and carried me off to bed, and I fell asleep.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Problema
I heard another threat from my dad like he'd change. What is this? He's just a machine that keeps going and doesn't stop. He's so sure he's okay. He goes to a group .. oh the door was opened and I had to close it. My mom usually closes it and it's almost midnight. Sounds like they both were out there. I heard ice then the microwave. What's that? He seemed to be thinking @ Ellen DeGeneres before. He's also thinking @ me, though. Stupid Nell Burton.
Anything else?
Because my dad always supported my dreams. I don't like my parents treating me like shit, making me fat in sneaky ways, not being any help in ways.
Problema
My dad isn't supposed to be involved in my life like that.. whattaya mean? I mean how he thinks something stupid like that. He needs to get his head in bed. This is no home, my life. Oh, so my money will come from Hollywood? Too bad I can't fix up my life 1st.
Competition
I thought that there was actually an opportunity to find out like who can do what. Like, a lotta people wanna see Ellen DeGeneres, like be in Finding Dory. I saw a girl post that on Facebook when I searched Google. My answer is that I don't see how she's most like someone who should meet her. I'd need to know more. I mean, maybe she deserves to like someone with a hard life. I guess that's something else. I mean, she seemed testy, as well, like @ someone who seems like should meet someone. Why would anyone do that? It's not gonna help, and if you like them I mean. They probably believe that person is in their way, but there are lots of people in their way. I am just trying to be honest, but now I'm gonna think @ it. I can see she's sweet, but maybe she doesn't eat right and that's why she's overweight. Ellen probably likes those young lesbians. Well, not technically the smartest. You know, I just got the idea that me saying I'm bi offended her becuase it was like I liked her. Why does she tick like that, like that's her own animalistic reaction or tendency? Probably not the best thing to say, but you know what I really mean. You mean she has lots of feelings like that? I don't. That's okay, but I mean that's just like saying I'm Asian when I just act European but have a poor life. That offended me, but I'll get over it soon or have. Why do ya'll build like that, I mean okay bye have fun but I'm still here or whatever just hoping people do what helps them follow their dreams.. Like, I was talking @ meeting Ellen honestly for others. It's an easy thing to talk @.
You're just jealous.
You wanted to live on the beach. You think that since I am from Florida, and you think you're not I dunno .. that you need to rub in something like it ^happened^. Hasn't this been heard of, before?
So, is something up?
Is there anything I can do, then I can think @ it?
Funny, it's probably something @ making me feel bad even though punishment for others for me wouldn't bother me as much, or what it used to be that I remember but not exactly what. That kinda stuff happens to me, all the time.
Funny, it's probably something @ making me feel bad even though punishment for others for me wouldn't bother me as much, or what it used to be that I remember but not exactly what. That kinda stuff happens to me, all the time.
So, what?
That would mean essentially no more Ellen DeGeneres, but she does some nice things and is just like interesting otherwise. Well, really nice.
Problema
Why did Ellen call me a 1950 generation while she knows her 1960 generation is spoiled brats?.. I don't want anything like that! Well, did she? No, wait, you just loaded my page all weird like yea it seems like that's what she was thinking, but I don't wanna hear it.
Problema
Why are people showing Ellen DeGeneres off to me? Stop ruining my health.
Like, I'm doing stuff alone but get but in that I cursed @ Ellen online. I don't really remember that but probably cursed at anyone who mistreated me for the N word thing but not like, "Stranger" is shit. I don't really like doing that, so I don't seem to be doing it, anymore. I sorta slinked out of my hatred. I do still get upset. What is this shit for? I just heard a noise at my door, when I thought of shit. You lookin' at me and makin' me ugly? What? I said shit because it's shit. Like, my dad turned off the TV and eventually left, and usually I see his movies and think it's so cute and something I like. What, .. I hope no one is really doing these things to me. Just move on to your life. I want someone to talk to and make me feel better. All I have is what I post online. I dunno I used to talk to my aunts @ it, which probably they are unavailable at the moment and I haven't talked to them in awhile. I was just beaten with lots of messages, and things come to my mind, but it wasn't like @ Ellen DeGeneres. What's yo problem? I just said it WASN'T Ellen. It wasn't someone. It was just a thing, and it wasn't supposed to be something anyone does to me.
I hope it isn't a problem because all of what I say won't flow. You must have a problem online, then. Why don't you like comment and give me an idea for what I can post? No one is like comfortable around me online. Everyone was so mean to me, esp. after the N word thing. The whole world became dreamless, like for the tweens. You know, you don't like associate that with someone. You associate it with the way you reacted to the N word thing.
Like, I'm doing stuff alone but get but in that I cursed @ Ellen online. I don't really remember that but probably cursed at anyone who mistreated me for the N word thing but not like, "Stranger" is shit. I don't really like doing that, so I don't seem to be doing it, anymore. I sorta slinked out of my hatred. I do still get upset. What is this shit for? I just heard a noise at my door, when I thought of shit. You lookin' at me and makin' me ugly? What? I said shit because it's shit. Like, my dad turned off the TV and eventually left, and usually I see his movies and think it's so cute and something I like. What, .. I hope no one is really doing these things to me. Just move on to your life. I want someone to talk to and make me feel better. All I have is what I post online. I dunno I used to talk to my aunts @ it, which probably they are unavailable at the moment and I haven't talked to them in awhile. I was just beaten with lots of messages, and things come to my mind, but it wasn't like @ Ellen DeGeneres. What's yo problem? I just said it WASN'T Ellen. It wasn't someone. It was just a thing, and it wasn't supposed to be something anyone does to me.
I hope it isn't a problem because all of what I say won't flow. You must have a problem online, then. Why don't you like comment and give me an idea for what I can post? No one is like comfortable around me online. Everyone was so mean to me, esp. after the N word thing. The whole world became dreamless, like for the tweens. You know, you don't like associate that with someone. You associate it with the way you reacted to the N word thing.
Hurt
So, what is that something I did, too? You know, a lotta people are like this. Does that statement not sound defined enough?
Why you all think you're all that!? Who the fuck cares if I was never online before! Why the fuck you think we deserve computers? I had a bad life @ school! I was busy!
Why you all think you're all that!? Who the fuck cares if I was never online before! Why the fuck you think we deserve computers? I had a bad life @ school! I was busy!
What about you?
So, you wanting a good looking person makes you a pervert like an Asian?
...
and wow I just got totally put off, thanks a lot experiment for the stupid N word thing .. which doesn't matter like my heritage!!!!
Go into the real world and see what happens! No one cares to hurt these people when they come on! Just you wait!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY SMOOTH WORLD WHERE I AM THE 1 ON TOP OF WHAT I AM ON TOP OF
...
and wow I just got totally put off, thanks a lot experiment for the stupid N word thing .. which doesn't matter like my heritage!!!!
Go into the real world and see what happens! No one cares to hurt these people when they come on! Just you wait!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY SMOOTH WORLD WHERE I AM THE 1 ON TOP OF WHAT I AM ON TOP OF
Nothing to Talk To
I am just a normal person, but my friends have like twisted me as just some shy, dumb person. Then, I had no friends, really. I have the internet, and these people haven't messed up with me, now. I wonder if I just bring back bad memories.
What's this?
People making fun of me for M. Ellen DeGeneres? Nothing against her! That's "what" they're doing. This is just how I talk. It's right. I'm not making fun of Ellen DeGeneres! You are! She's not lame!
Problema
So, why are you so mad @ something? I know it's just people being moody. If someone is mean to me, I mean, what do you think? I just fight back when people hurt me for the N word thing. I don't go in and insult them. I know some people have certain things I have to remember. I don't wanna do this for m***********. I never really cursed all growing up, but like I hear a black man on TV going crazy for his own greed. It sounds like he's making fun of my dad. I'm sorry, I'm not saying Ellen did this nor that she should have anything to do with what this is. Why do you act like that? I am the 1 who can suspect it's what it is because of the experiment.
...
...
What else?
Are you like saying I can't have a life, I couldn't even enjoy a minimum wage job in an okay factory?
I was always considered a good person before Tim Burton, so people better respect me.
I was always considered a good person before Tim Burton, so people better respect me.
Back for Now
Why, like, has my mom, who fed me, etc., I guess just think I'm not good enough because of my weight?
Also, I don't really see why I deserved to be hit, that was their idea.
Also, I don't really see why I deserved to be hit, that was their idea.
Problema
My mom made noises last night in the laundry room and made my heart have problems. SHE was mean to me yesterday.
Also, I can't even feel sad in private. These clicks of people watching me but me not deserving what everyone else does to them. They're just acting like a bunch of little monkeys to me. Since Johnny Depp and Tim Burton ya'll're retarded to listen and think things like this are suggestive, saying someone's acting like a monkey. No one in particular, just what I mean..
Also, I can't even feel sad in private. These clicks of people watching me but me not deserving what everyone else does to them. They're just acting like a bunch of little monkeys to me. Since Johnny Depp and Tim Burton ya'll're retarded to listen and think things like this are suggestive, saying someone's acting like a monkey. No one in particular, just what I mean..
In Thinking of Others
Like, don't impose my nose on you, but some people like they are who they are they aren't to impose like someone else.
Why gawk that I think I'm something in the class and then say I'm not for no apparent reason than maybe my race? Just be mean to be funny and to have something to say? And I'm in trouble?
Why gawk that I think I'm something in the class and then say I'm not for no apparent reason than maybe my race? Just be mean to be funny and to have something to say? And I'm in trouble?
Something Funny
Just did a Word Captcha and forgot what I was gonna say and had no muscle to think of it, again.
Something Weird
I see European minorities acting anti-Asian|Chinese|Oriental. Isn't that something to the effect of my dream, though I care @ them? I assume everyone thinks the same thing.
Something Embarrassing
I think people thought something was "if," but I knew what you could do to get what's available.
What should I have done?
People are going manic @ me as an infant not having a big nose. Why do you think I did that? I never did that when I was older, just sorta tied it up so it was a strong message. ..which makes me wonder ~
Thought of Something
Something crossed my mind, as well.. I don't think it's as fun to be with some people when they are engaged in someone who's mean to you. Like, they don't act right when it's @ you being attractive.
Also, what's with telling people everyone rounds up with their life as mean just to be sugary that they are the best?
Do you ever dig in and find that because of other people is why you're never right for who you are because they're all antsy, like racially or something? I know I did what I was supposed to. I guess other people come from mean parents, but I mean yea their parents probably just were jealous.
Also, what's with telling people everyone rounds up with their life as mean just to be sugary that they are the best?
Do you ever dig in and find that because of other people is why you're never right for who you are because they're all antsy, like racially or something? I know I did what I was supposed to. I guess other people come from mean parents, but I mean yea their parents probably just were jealous.
Dream
I remember trying to get Coca Cola, but it was in a small river next to me, saw a tree thing sticking up, like a gator or turtle.
I was trying to m*********, again, seems something is stopping me up. I just tried where no one was gonna be looking. Once, in another room that seemed dark and sticky, too, and tree-induced. Another, like us walking in a parade.
I am thinking of friends, maybe it was Curly Alicia from Twitter.
I think we had a tour guide, like the lady at the auditions from Disney.
It was just sorta dark, a bit happy. I think we were getting breakfast. I felt like an animal, like a big weasel, but technically all like, like I really was 1.
I was trying to m*********, again, seems something is stopping me up. I just tried where no one was gonna be looking. Once, in another room that seemed dark and sticky, too, and tree-induced. Another, like us walking in a parade.
I am thinking of friends, maybe it was Curly Alicia from Twitter.
I think we had a tour guide, like the lady at the auditions from Disney.
It was just sorta dark, a bit happy. I think we were getting breakfast. I felt like an animal, like a big weasel, but technically all like, like I really was 1.
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